Saturday, May 10, 2008

My First Mother's Day...

is tomorrow...and as I sit here blogging my thoughts while my two boys are snoozing away in the bedroom, I think about all we have gone through to be parents.

I think about the heartbreak we felt in March of 2007 when I miscarried.
I think about how my husband did all he could to make me smile again when all I could do was cry.
I think about how my parents and sister found out that I was pregnant and that I miscarried all in the same phone call.
I think about the next two IVF cycles that all ended with the click of the phone and the words "negative" ringing in my ears.
I think about my silent screaming prayer to God for Him to bless us with a child that needed us to be his/her parents..."Oh know my heart. If there is a child out there somewhere, anywhere, who needs us, please open that door. God, show us the way..."
I think about the day my world came crashing down again..."not pregnant, so sorry Staci" and the phone call from my sister that would change our lives forever.
I think about how she was so careful on the phone as to not get our hopes up..."there might be a baby who needs adopting..."
I think about how my heart skipped a beat at the sound of those words.
I think about that Sunday at Tom Sawyer park where my sister told me the story of the baby boy to be born in January (this was late October).
I think about dialing the phone number of Sandy, the sister-in-law of the couragous woman wanting to put her baby up for adoption.
I think about those words she said to me on the phone..."as far as I am concerned, you guys are it!!"
I think about how I couldn't help but exhale after she said those words.
I think about the blur that would be the next two months...
obtaining a lawyer
tons of paperwork
more prayer
sharing our news with our family
getting his ultrasound picture in the mail
more prayer
naming him
finally speaking to and meeting Annie
getting the call on New Year's Eve
I think about our drive to finally meet our son...through the snow on New Year's Eve.
I think about the first time I saw him, getting a bath in the nursery. All I could say was...He is so beautiful, He is so beautiful...and he is.
I think about our second night alone with him and his beautiful cry
I think about finally getting the okay to bring him home to Kentucky
I think about the long and sometimes broken road that brought us to being Logan's parents and know in my heart that God did have a plan all along.
I think about the moment when the judge said "Hello there Logan William Hoene" and again, I exhaled.
I think about all of the people who love us and love Logan and my cup runneth over, my heart spills over...with love.
I think about my first mother's day with my son and how blessed we are...

Happy Mother's Day to all...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13


1 comment:

Collins Family said...

Happy Mother's Day Staci!